November 18, 2013
You stopped breathing!! How could it happen? We were right next to you. Your daddy George was watching you, he was just going to say goodbye to me and go home so Danny would not wake up alone at home, it was almost 5am, more like 4:40am, when I had just laid my head down at the foot of your bed stroking your legs. I was sitting in a chair pulled close. I don’t think my eyes were closed more than 5 or 10 min. We had just helped you up, and out of bed, to go potty, because you would not have it any other way. I was just speaking with you; trying to soothe you and comfort you…wishing the morning would come and bring in the doctors to see what was happening, why you were struggling. Believing if you could just sleep, you would awake feeling better and in good spirits, and this rough night would be over! It was four year ago on this date Nov 18, and I will always wonder... how could it happen?
When Tiffany (your ICU nurse that night) came in calling your name, I heard daddy George saying “oh no don’t wake him, he finally feel asleep”… and I sat up to echo his words, but she said you were not breathing!... the monitors told her before we knew. Those little plugs they put on your fingers to monitor your breath, those little plugs you hated so much and would yank off; and I would tell them you hated them and could they be removed on previous times, in past times, in other hospital visits not so long ago. That plug told her before we knew, you had stopped breathing; thank goodness the plug was on!
I looked at the monitor and saw you heart still beating; I looked at you and your lips were gray and I said “oh he is having a seizure”… I had seen that look before. I stepped aside and knew in my heart that they would give you the medicine you needed; and get the seizure under control. I remember thinking with the surgery and the headache and all that was going on, you must not have received your medicine, and everything going on contributed to a seizure! Sometimes to this day, I do think it was a seizure that took you from us. But, I don’t know, they say it was a powerful infection you were fighting!
You stopped breathing!… and it was rush rush rush! Code blue was called and I waited by the nurses station I heard someone say “do you want to call it” and that got my attention! What are they saying?! And I heard someone say “his heart never stopped” and I thought, that’s right; it didn’t; the comment was crazy, a mistake; I saw on the monitor your heart beat going! And then Tiffany came out and asked if there was anyone we wanted to call… ‘no’….; and another nurse who remembered us from ER on the 16th came and said “you were in ER correct, ‘yes’… you have a very sick little boy and shaking her head with a pat on my shoulder walked away.
We entered your room and you were on a respirator. Tiffany said she placed a phone in your room; and asked again… “Are you sure there is no one you wish to call,” we looked at each other and I said ‘yes’...
Daddy George called your sister (because I was a weak and couldn’t do it, I didn’t want to hear her pain) and I called Marina (my dear friend) and asked her to pray for you. I sat next to you holding your hand, rubbing it and knowing in my heart that you would awake and want to pull that tube out of your throat, so I had better be ready to call the nurses. They say a mother always knows, well I am here to say that is not true! This mother never saw it coming.
We planted this tree in your memory. It provides oxygen and gives breathe to all. Big Daddy George and I will be planting his favorite flowers under your tree today in memory of you. You are always in our thoughts and those who walk past our house see your tree. And hanging on it is the plaque we made telling everyone who this tree was planted for. Never to be forgotten, all my love mother.
You stopped breathing!! How could it happen? We were right next to you. Your daddy George was watching you, he was just going to say goodbye to me and go home so Danny would not wake up alone at home, it was almost 5am, more like 4:40am, when I had just laid my head down at the foot of your bed stroking your legs. I was sitting in a chair pulled close. I don’t think my eyes were closed more than 5 or 10 min. We had just helped you up, and out of bed, to go potty, because you would not have it any other way. I was just speaking with you; trying to soothe you and comfort you…wishing the morning would come and bring in the doctors to see what was happening, why you were struggling. Believing if you could just sleep, you would awake feeling better and in good spirits, and this rough night would be over! It was four year ago on this date Nov 18, and I will always wonder... how could it happen?
When Tiffany (your ICU nurse that night) came in calling your name, I heard daddy George saying “oh no don’t wake him, he finally feel asleep”… and I sat up to echo his words, but she said you were not breathing!... the monitors told her before we knew. Those little plugs they put on your fingers to monitor your breath, those little plugs you hated so much and would yank off; and I would tell them you hated them and could they be removed on previous times, in past times, in other hospital visits not so long ago. That plug told her before we knew, you had stopped breathing; thank goodness the plug was on!
I looked at the monitor and saw you heart still beating; I looked at you and your lips were gray and I said “oh he is having a seizure”… I had seen that look before. I stepped aside and knew in my heart that they would give you the medicine you needed; and get the seizure under control. I remember thinking with the surgery and the headache and all that was going on, you must not have received your medicine, and everything going on contributed to a seizure! Sometimes to this day, I do think it was a seizure that took you from us. But, I don’t know, they say it was a powerful infection you were fighting!
You stopped breathing!… and it was rush rush rush! Code blue was called and I waited by the nurses station I heard someone say “do you want to call it” and that got my attention! What are they saying?! And I heard someone say “his heart never stopped” and I thought, that’s right; it didn’t; the comment was crazy, a mistake; I saw on the monitor your heart beat going! And then Tiffany came out and asked if there was anyone we wanted to call… ‘no’….; and another nurse who remembered us from ER on the 16th came and said “you were in ER correct, ‘yes’… you have a very sick little boy and shaking her head with a pat on my shoulder walked away.
We entered your room and you were on a respirator. Tiffany said she placed a phone in your room; and asked again… “Are you sure there is no one you wish to call,” we looked at each other and I said ‘yes’...
Daddy George called your sister (because I was a weak and couldn’t do it, I didn’t want to hear her pain) and I called Marina (my dear friend) and asked her to pray for you. I sat next to you holding your hand, rubbing it and knowing in my heart that you would awake and want to pull that tube out of your throat, so I had better be ready to call the nurses. They say a mother always knows, well I am here to say that is not true! This mother never saw it coming.
We planted this tree in your memory. It provides oxygen and gives breathe to all. Big Daddy George and I will be planting his favorite flowers under your tree today in memory of you. You are always in our thoughts and those who walk past our house see your tree. And hanging on it is the plaque we made telling everyone who this tree was planted for. Never to be forgotten, all my love mother.
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